King Cobra

I'm going to confess right up front that I have no idea what King Cobra is about, and I have little interest in finding out. With as many hot punky girls naked and fucking onscreen, especially the Tank-Girlesque and dangerous-looking Chapel Waste, I really don't need a storyline, which is probably for the best. Vivid directors often take what you might call a laissez-faire attitude toward plot and story, and JACKtheZIPPER is a sort of the poster boy for this movement, but at least he does it on purpose, rather than just a lack talent. At the very beginning of the movie, Page Morgan narrates thus: "Hi,my name is Cream Puff -- at least that's what they call me, anyways. This is the story of how I ran away, lost my virginity, lost my virginity again, ran away again, got kidnapped by bikers and turned into a rowdy biker bitch," and quite frankly I am willing to take her word for it; if she says that's what it's about, that's good enough for me.

One of the benefits of making a movie and leaving the plot out entirely is that it prevents the actors from doing any acting, which is a particular concern in a porn film. Giving actors lines is a mistake many directors make, especially in porn, but this is not theZipper's first barbecue, and he adroitly avoids the pitfall by putting in a lot of grindy kickass music and having the performers convey the atmosphere of the movie by means of their clothing, hair, and sex practices. Since, in spite of occasional bits of narration by Cream Puff, I have not the faintest idea what is going on in this movie, I'll just talk about the porn stars themselves. All of these actors, except for the heroically scruffy Brian Surewood, are far too kempt or far too punk to be in a biker gang, but for Sasha Grey, Chapel Waste, Page Morgan and Roxy Deville I am willing to pretend.

theZipper has done his best to outfit his performers in Mad Max-style outfits, and succeeds for the most part, although parts of his wardrobe call to mind Donnie Darko and Tank Girl as well. I like bizarre-looking girls, and the costuming goes some way to making both Lanny Barby and Sasha Grey look like fringe elements, although no such artifice is needed for Chapel Waste, who has a mostly shaved head, a number of tattoos, and a wide variety of piercings, or for Page Morgan, who looks a lot like what you might get if Cyndi Lauper were a porn star instead of a singer. Morgan has a sleepy, heavy-lidded, lascivious look to her, and there's no way anyone would ever pick her out of a lineup looking for innocent virgins, but she does look hot. Sasha Grey is as wild and untamed as always, spitting, slapping and cursing while she takes a fucking that would dismay a Visigoth camp-follower; Roxy DeVille is her usual sly, foxy, sexy self, and Lanny Barbie is pumped up and dirty as the rest of them (if you, like me, can never remember whether it's Lanny Barby or Sunny Leone who doesn't do guys, this movie should clear ti up for you).

Most of the girls have tattoos, in fact, as well as leather gear, chains, spikes, studs, and ripped-up clothes. Even the pneumatically altered and aggressively mainstream-fantasy-style Barby gets decked out in heavy gear; the result is a pretty clean and sparkly biker movie with enough alternative sexuality to keep it interesting. It's basically a series of nonstop orgies involving various combinations of people, never fewer than four at a time, with one lone boy-girl scene (why just the one? Beats me!) at the end. The fucking is wild, continuous and dirty -- if you like orgies and group sex, King Cobra is definitely right up your alley. If you like girls in furry rabbit masks, goggles, leather, cartridge belts or chaps, King Cobra is your movie. And if you like movies where you get to see a lot of sex and don't have to keep track of anything, King Cobra is really exactly what you want to watch.

I'm going to confess right up front that I have no idea what King Cobra is about, and I have little interest in finding out. With as many hot punky girls naked and fucking onscreen, especially the Tank-Girlesque and dangerous-looking Chapel Waste, I really don't need a storyline, which is probably for the best. Vivid directors often take what you might call a laissez-faire attitude toward plot and story, and JACKtheZIPPER is a sort of the poster boy for this movement, but at least he does it on purpose, rather than just a lack talent. At the very beginning of the movie, Page Morgan narrates thus: "Hi,my name is Cream Puff -- at least that's what they call me, anyways. This is the story of how I ran away, lost my virginity, lost my virginity again, ran away again, got kidnapped by bikers and turned into a rowdy biker bitch," and quite frankly I am willing to take her word for it; if she says that's what it's about, that's good enough for me.... Read the Full Review!