Nina Hartley's Sex Tips

Anal pleasure is a co-ed delight. Everyone has a butt, and everyone can learn to enjoy some anal stimulation, even if it's not full-on intercourse.

The most important skill a woman brings to a sexual encounter is the ability to give herself an orgasm.

The most important skill a man brings to a sexual encounter is the ability to maintain an erection, and remain in the pleasure zone w/o thinking of baseball scores, for at least twenty minutes.

The most important gift we can give ourselves sexually is the gift of acceptance of our essential sexual natures. Only when we can be OK with who we are in the bedroom can we hope to find partners with whom to build a life outside of it.

Men are well advised to teach themselves to masturbate to orgasm while wearing a condom, to acclimate themselves to the sensation. This permits them to spend more energy on their eventual partners than on worrying about whether or not they'll be able to maintain an erection with a rubber.

Every man needs to find out what is least-hated/favorite condom is, and to always have a supply. Ditto his favorite lube.

Stay away from flavored, colored or heating lubricants. They have a high tendency to cause irritation.

If you're going to be serious about performing fellatio, put a pillow under your knees. You want to be able to do this for many years, so take care of the equipment.

Show someone how you like to have your nipples sucked by sucking on your partner's earlobes exactly how you want them to stimulate your nipples. The nerve distribution is very similar.

The clitoris is a tiny phallus. Keep this in mind when you have your mouth on it. Suck, don't lick.

Men: how would you want head if your cock was only as big as the last digit of your little finger? Do that to her and you'll be genius.

Women: suck and jerk more firmly than you think. Erections are surprisingly sturdy things.

Watch each other masturbate so you can pick up helpful hints on how your partner likes to be stimulated.

No one "gives" you an orgasm. Our partners can only facilitate or hinder our finding our own orgasm.

Generosity is a great gift to our lovers, but take care not to be a door mat. "No, thanks," is a complete sentence, as is "Sure!"

If you can't do a thing without being drunk or high, you're just not ready. Needing any more than one drink is a warning sign to slow down and reconsider.

It's okay not to be ready for something, even if you've been fantasizing about it for a long time. Better to wait for the right time than to force the issue and perhaps screw everything up.

If you're shaved down below, be shaved. If you're furry, be furry. Just don't bring me a five o'clock shadow and expect me to rub my face in it.

Don't put perfume or cologne on any part of your body that you want your partner to kiss or lick. That stuff is bitter!

If you're so worried about disease or pregnancy that it prevents you from relaxing enough to enjoy sex play, take intercourse off the table and get creative on how many ways you can share pleasure w/o it. You'd be surprised at how liberating it can be to free yourself from that fear w/o turning into a celibate hermit.

Use a new pair of gloves whenever you penetrate your partner. It keeps everything clean and cuts down on pesky, minor infections, as well as protecting tender parts from getting scraped by a rough nail.

There is no reason to be unsanitary while one is being dirty.

Porn Is Fantasy. Performers Are Professionals. Your Milage May Vary. Don't Necessarily Try This At Home.

Always ask permission before trying something new that you saw in a video or read in a book. You don't want to start a fight when all you meant to do was have more fun.

Enthusiasm for your partner is the single biggest turn on. Let them know you want them, and want to have fun with them.

Anal sex at home is NOT the same as anal sex on camera, and doesn't happen the same way. We cut out all of the "boring," getting-ready parts, as well as the not-quite-working parts.

Unlike movies, a man's erection may come and go during lovemaking. Don't worry. Find something fun to do in the meantime.

Unlike movies, women don't often have orgasms every two point five minutes. Pay attention to the real person in your bed, not a two-dimensional picture on the screen.

Vibrators are a man's best friend. They are labor-saving devices. Don't be afraid of a little machine, but learn to work with it. You'll be a hero in bed.

Men are visual, so smart women learn to present their attributes in a pleasing way. Spend the money on the only-for-sex push up bra and the highest heels you can manage. You'll both benefit.

While porn isn't always a "how-to" manual, it can give you ideas that you can tweak to work for you and your partner. Don't be afraid to plagerize!

Find a sex-story anthology and read to each other while naked. It's a nice way to amp up the energy, as well as find out new things about what turns your partner on.

Learn how to kiss well. It's the most effective arousal mechanism there is (besides the foot rub!)

Don't try to have an important conversation about sex a) just before sex, b) just after it, c) during a fight. Plan your conversation for when distractions are low and you have enough time.